Mini-Update

I know it's been awhile. So much has been going on with me! So here's the list:

1. Resigned part-time job
2. I have a wonderful new boyfriend. My king...and future hubby!
3. My paternal grandfather passed away. Knew the man for about 5 years but it was a great 5 years.
4. Mom came to visit and celebrate her b-day!
5. I turned 23!!
6. Starting a non-profit organization geared towards women.
7. I start grad school (Masters of Social Work) in 2 weeks!!! Will be concentrating on School Social Work. Next will be my Doctorate of Human Sexuality; might even throw in a Masters of Divinity/Theology (I would like to do pre-marital counseling in churches)
8. I celebrated 1 year at my full-time job on July 16th (same week as my b-day)
9. I've been doing some traveling; Philly, Rochester, next up Greensboro, NC
10. I'm really enjoying life and my freetime before I get back in the books

I need a new laptop and new topics so as soon as I get that I'll be updating more regularly. I am working on a new blog that I would like to start regarding sexuality, social work and spirituality. I will most likely start this once I get into my classes. If you have any topics let me know!

How Stella Got Her Groove Back: The 'Younger Man Syndrome'

If you know me, then you know that 99.9% of the men that I have dated have been 25 and older. About 85% of them have been 30+. I've always been this way. My 'first' crush/boyfriend was in 8th grade and we were the same age but my first 'real' boyfriend was 20 and I was 17. From there I was 18 and even dated a 30 year old. But it just so happens that I, DLI (insert full government name) has become smitten by the younger population, which is totally NOT like me!!!

I'm 22 years old (23 in exactly 2 months today) and I even consider someone born 4 months after me to be DRASTICALLY younger than me...LOL sad but true! But just recently there have been 2 young men that have me totally smitten!!!

One guy is 20 and the other is 22 (blah blah...yeah he's the same age as me, but look at the above statement) LOL!

I'd love to go into more detail about guy #1 but I'd risk the chance of my crush being exposed, based on the circumstances of how we met....I will reveal in a later post! I will say this though about Guy #1:

He's so mature!!! I've never had a fun and hilarious and interesting conversation before with someone his age. I have a cousin his age and I still treat him like he's 12! lol I'm glad that I have met this young man and hope that our friendship flourishes!

Guy #2 has been trying to scoop me for about a year but I never gave him the time of day. Most recently we've been spending more time together and I actually enjoy his company. He still has his young moments but I learning to look past that especially since I tend to date older men and have noticed my so called 'young moments.'

I'd love to know your thoughts on dating younger men or if you approve or oppose the idea!

fear vs. control

My fears in life have changed during the past couple of years with the three major ones being: fear of death, fear of infertility, and most recently my fear of relationships and committment. As my spiritual journey becomes more rooted in the Creator my fear of death has dissipated; moreso to the point where I have more questions than fear of dying. My fear of not being able to conceive will always remain until I have a child of my own, even though I desire 2! My fear of relationships I believe is more of fear of committment. I spoke about this in a note that i posted on facebook:

June 19, 2008

I've been journeying off to the park these past couple of days. Here's what I wrote today that I wanted to share and get some insight on:

Deep thoughts penetrating my brain until it hurts: headache. Thinking about the woman I have/am becoming: uninhibited, constant like change; something that I embrace. Wondering if my love for change feeds my fear of commitment. Because change is forever constant, sometime positive; others negative, commitment doesn't hold the same elements.

I can deem myself loyal, dependable; those words are temporary; can take different shape due to its context, can become simplistic or complex all in one sentence, but its denotation always changing.

Commitment holds an anchor; weighted by grief or despair, unexcited by its unchanging ways. But can the rules of commitment be bended to work in my favor? In a way that I don't shy away from it, hide from it, go around the mulberry bush because of it?

As I look back on these words about a month shy from being a year ago, I notice that I still feel the same way. That I still have these so-called fears. But ultimately I don't think it's a fear of committment or relationships, I think it's a fear of relinquishing control. Yesterday I was reading an article from dailyom.com about allowing others to be: controlling behavior, when what I realize that I need to allow MYSELF to be.

What do you think I can do to help relinquish some of this control? What do you do to help yourself relinquish control on certain things of your life?

What Happened to Good Sportsmanship?

So on April 8th, I attended my first O's vs. Yankees game. Naturally I was cheering for the Yankees. Although I am not from NYC I am a born and raised female from NY state...lol. Now I was a spec of blue and white within a sea of orange and black. Now I must admit this was my first MLB game but I was completely stunned at the attitudes and mistreatment that I received for being a Yankees fan! Rochester has their own baseball team, the Twins (formerly the Red Wings), and most of the games I attended were pretty okay and calm. This O's game was ferocious lol! O's fans really go hard for their team, (for a city that is honestly very WACK-yeah I said it..Baltimore is nothing but a poser city!!!),which is all good and everything. But I felt like I was gonna get jumped if I yelled, 'GO YANKEES!!' one more time...People cut their eyes at me, yelled their boos towards me and one man even threw sunflower seeds at me!!! (pic to follow) WTF!!!

My grandmother would like to attend a game, specifically one against the Yankees but I'm afraid to even let her go since they treated me so badly. And my grandmother is a tough woman for her short stature and 'seasoned' age....lol...idk though! All i know is that game was crazy. I've heard the most vulgar things come out of people's mouths. One guy even said, "YANKEES SUCK DICK." And I honestly was offended. And now that I'm a social worker I'm very mindful of what people say around other people's children. Parents were upset, turning heads, cutting eyes....it was just bad...lol.

I'd definitely go to another game though....lol

Let's Play Catch Up!

I've been trying to write a blog forever and a day!!! Life had been pretty hectic, but definitely in a GREAT and POSITIVE WAY! So much has transpired since my last blog (March 23rd)! Here's a list of my lastest events (with explanations)since then:



1. I got a new supervisor If anyone knows about my job and its situation...I work for DSS and was previously in the Special Training Unit and now that my probationary period is over (like back in January) I'm supposed to be moved to another building. I HAD a new supervisor who seemed really cool and cared about the well being of her workers, but about 4 days under her leadership, she quit and is now working for Johns Hopkins (hmmm...) My former supervisor was great though, it's not like she was a mean person, I'd actually rather stay with her anyway. But they put me with another supervisor who will be covering me until I get another supervisor...lol..and that won't be until June. My 1 year in this job is in July...lol...WOW 4 supervisors in 1 year!!! HA! But since I've been with this one, she'd love to keep me as her caseworker! I've gotten nothing but rave reviews and evaluations and really feeling good about myself right about now! TOOT TOOT! (yes I just beeped my own horn!)



2. This was before the latest blog, but I went home to Rochester for a surprise vist
My grandmother just got over the shingles and was out of work for about 3 weeks. Anyone who knows my grandmother knows that she's been working at Strong Memorial Hospital for 50 years and has NEVER missed a day of work (she even gave birth to my aunt in the elevator while at work) LOL!!! So of course I had to check on her and the fam. My mom was facing layoffs at Kodak, but THANK GOD she didn't get tapped!



3.
WORKING 2 JOBS(1 full-time and 1 part-time) AIN'T NO JOKE!

4.
I am a member of the greatest sisterhood I have EVER experienced (besides NCNW-MSU section)! And that is SWING PHI SWING SOCIAL FELLOWSHIP INC. (click on the link if you wanna learn more or just ask me.): We just celebrated our 40th Anniversary on April 4, 2009 at our founding city, Winston Salem, NC! My linesisters and I just celebrated our 1 year in Swing on March 29, 2009!!! All I have to say is I truly enjoyed myself and I have a TON of pics on facebook!!! (i will post the links later)

5.
Orioles vs. Yankees: I'll be attending my 1st Orioles game since I've been living in Baltimore, TOMORROW!!! And that will be about 5 years in August...lol! I'm not a huge fan of watching any sport (besides ice skating) on television but LOVE attending when I can!!!

So I think that's it for now. I feel like I'm forgetting something. If I am I'll make an amendment to this post or just do another one.

P.E.A.C.E

Are You Lovin The New Look?

So it's obvious that I've totally changed the look of my blog. And I'm soooooooooooo PRESSED!!! I'm lovin it!!! New music player, new template!!! I'M LOVIN!! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!

The Depreciation of a Lifestyle

So I'm in the hallway leading to my old internship, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Maryland, about to drop off the recommendation forms that my former supervisor needs for Widener and the work-study program at my job. As I was somewhat 'skipping' down the hall I was thinking of a conversation that I had with my best friend earlier. I was telling her how I had went to Olive Garden the previous day and telling her what I had ordered off the menu etc. But as I was thinking about the conversation I realized that I was getting EXCITED. The kind of excited that a person on welfare or who grew up in the hood gets when someone is taking them to a "five-star restaurant", which in their eyes would be Red Lobster!!!!

I know that is a totally wrong analogy to compare my feelings to but working in 'the system' (Baltimore City Department of Social Services) as most would call, I feel that my life or the lifestyle that I'm used to has been depreciated!!! I'VE BEEN DEPRECIATED!!! lol...so not funny but as I say that in my head, as if I'm yelling, an echo follows!

It's so sad that I feel this way! Maybe because I haven't had a decent meal in God knows how long (I've slacked on my cooking). And most times when I come home from work my dinner is a bowl Special K cereal!!!

This recession has really got me thinking! At first I knew that there was a recession but I guess I was one of those people were oblivious to its effects and that it would NEVER effect me personally. But as I sit back and think about how my mom was just on the chopping block for ALMOST (THANK GOD)losing her job and house, I'm reminded of the life that "we" (technically she) used to have.

I am also now realizing that as an offspring of my mother, anything that I had was because of her and I guess now being thrown into the real world, I have to start from scratch on my own, just as she did, to build myself an empire equivalent to what we (she) had! lol

I'm reminded of when I was growing up...I attended a private Catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade, with my mother (and grandmother) paying same rate 'college tuition.' From there I went to a public arts high school then back to paying 4 years tuition for an HBCU!!!! During middle school years, I remember my mom was called Ms. Kodak because back then she was seeming to make "big bucks!!!" We (mom, g-ma,me and sometimes auntie) went out to eat almost everyday. We NEVER lived above our means, but we DID enjoy life!

I know I'm probably late on the realization of the recession but have YOU thought about how your lifestyle may have been depreciated? I only use the word depreciate because I like the way it sounds (I'm weird). Has your lifestyle depreciated? Let me know!